🌋Discovering the Lakes Region of Chilean Patagonia

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My brother, Rick, and I traveled to the Chilean portion of Patagonia in January of 2026. Patagonia is the lower third of South America straddling Chile and Argentina.  We arrived there by traveling through Santiago. We traveled by plane to Puerto Montt and then took ground transportation to Puerto Varas on the beautiful Llanquihue Lake. We stayed at a lakeside hotel and could watch the sunrise with the extinct Osorno Volcano (Rick referred to it as Mount Fuji’s cousin) in the background. It’s 8,700 feet tall and has a glacier on top which gives it the conical snow-capped shape which is similar to Mount Fuji. Having arrived in Patagonia we learned that it can take days to have a clear view of a mountain or rock formation. When we arrived in Puerto Varas, it took us three days to see the entire profile of the volcano.

Puerto Varas is in the Lakes Region and Llanquihue Lake is the second largest lake in Chile. If you look at a map of the very southern tip of Chile, you can see that it is riddled with fjords and islands and small bays. It’s almost more water than land and the land is riddled with volcanoes both active and extinct jutting above sea level to thousands of feet and rocky formations from volcanic and glacial activity. It was very unique.

My brother Rick, Paul, myself, Debra and Camilla (left to right) rafting near Puerto Varas Chile

We enjoyed an incredible meal at a small farm about 25 miles north of Puerto Varas on the shores of Llanquihue Lake.  It’s a family run farm and we got to harvest all the produce used for the meal including rhubarb, plums, several varieties of tomatoes, various greens, edible flowers, potatoes (a Chilean staple) and zucchini. We dug up the potatoes, cut the greens and foraged for plums. We also had a fresh caught salmon which was smoked along with the zucchini in a makeshift smoker. We ate in the lovely farmhouse and I have to tell you that salad of the mixed fresh cut greens was the best salad I’ve ever had. Verdant, bright and tender.

We drove out to the coast the next day. Chile’s width is 100 miles on average, so it’s pretty easy to ski the Andes and take a dip in the Pacific in the same day. The original inhabitants of southern South America are the indigenous group called the Mapuche Nation. They are the largest group of indigenous people that survive today and are divided into several groups and regions. We visited a group called the Huilliche who are in the southern subgroup associated with the Chiloe Archipelago. These Mapuche can be traced back to 500 BC and are largely fisherman and farmers.

We met the lonco or chief and he took us through a welcoming ceremony where we hugged and greeted each member of the tribe. We learned how they prepare wheat by toasting it on a fire inside their hut and then ground it with a mortar and pestle. The women of the tribe prepared chochoca which is raw grated potato and cooked potato blended by hand into a masa or dough. They then pat the masa along with what looks like a 7-foot giant rolling pin covered on all sides (except the handles). They then carry the enormous rolling pin to a large pit lined with coals. They turn the rolling pin for about thirty minutes as the masa cooks and the exterior starts to toast and turn brown. They then cut off the entire piece of potato masa into a large husk. From there they add cooked pork and then roll it and cut it into sandwich size pieces. It was fascinating to watch the wife of the lonco work so diligently to create this masterpiece. We enjoyed a meal with the entire group, briefly played field hockey with sticks and a ball shaped from reeds. I think the highlight was both the visitors and residents all introducing themselves to each other and reflecting on what we were grateful for. It was a bonding experience to learn of their trials and tribulations and for them to have a greater understanding of us. We are 6,000 miles a part but we are all parents, children and siblings. We all embraced and said goodbye.

We were scheduled to go kayaking on the final day in Puerto Varas but we had to replace it with a rafting trip because it was too windy. It was supposed to rain the entire day. I assumed that they would cancel the rafting trip. I had also assumed that the rafting meant something akin to a lazy river, something relaxing and mellow.  I was wrong. Very wrong. We traveled to the rafting vendor with a fellow retired traveler named Paul who was from Ireland and Debra from London. We piled aboard the transport van to get a briefing from the rafting vendor.  Rick, Paul, Debra and I were at least twice if not three times the age of all the other twelve or so rafting participants. The woman giving the briefing on all the potential safety issues and what to do when we fall out of the raft (!?!##) and not to ever let go of your paddle. I was pretty shaken up by the end of the briefing which felt like she was trying to scare me straight. I was on the edge of bailing and Paul, who apparently couldn’t swim, was on the same wavelength. Rick was stalwart that if they were able to take us rafting, he was going. We all acquiesced and, ironically, we were all put in the same raft with our fearless leader Camilla who was a tough young vibrant leader and an outstanding guide. We were all suited up in wet suits, booties and jackets. We left all our belongings behind on a bus as we entered the tumultuous waters of the Petrohue River adorned with helmets. I was glad to protect my head but what about the rest?

We were instructed to jam our foot closest to the wall of the raft into the crevice to stay stable on the boat. There is a rope that goes around the entirety of the raft but outside of that, there is nothing (and I mean nothing) to hold onto. Camila would instruct us to go forward HARD, and it was typically about three paddles and then tell us to “Stop”. As we entered the various rapids (it seemed countless but theoretically it was 8 sets of class 3 rapids), Camila would let us know if we would have to “Go Down” or bend over and grab the rope on the outside of the raft while holding onto our paddle and, hopefully, not going overboard. Then, after whatever massive wave had hit our boat, we would go back to “Position” which was upright with the paddle at the ready. You can imagine that four paddlers over 60 have various paddling, hearing and dexterity skills. Camila had an accent and there were several times Debra, Paul, Rick and I would have to check in on what the current “order” was. Debra and Paul were in the front row for the first 4 to 5 sets of rapids. I was relieved as the amount of water coming off the bow of the boat was a torrent and staring into the upcoming waves and rocks was intimidating.

About halfway through, Camila instructed Rick and me to move to the front of the boat. GULP! Just changing seats mid river was all about balance and space and fear. So now Rick and I were in front and, let me tell you, this was the center of the storm. I have to say that I said a little prayer for the first time we had to “Go Down” and grab the rope on the raft. It was like diving into a tidal wave. I had water completely wash over me and there was water down the back of my wetsuit. Each time we survived a rapid without getting thrown out of the boat was exhilarating. I was always thinking, “Wow, how did that happen?” The final rapid felt like I was swimming underwater. The entire boat was filled with water which miraculously emptied almost immediately. All four of us elders survived the trip without a broken bone or falling out of the boat. I was completely soaked from head to foot but I had a smile on my face for surviving one of the most exciting experiences of my entire life. It was right up there with zip lining and kayaking Lake Titicaca. As Rick said later, I was pretty sure that 99.9% of participants typically survive.

The Patagonia Lakes region is full of adventure, culture and breathtaking views and even though it was intimidating and scary at times, it was an experience of a lifetime. I’m so glad we went.

Exploring Santiago Chile 🇨🇱

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I traveled to Chile in January of 2026. This is my first time in this country although I have been in other parts of South America including Colombia, Venezuela, Peru, and Brazil. My brother, Rick and I arrived after a red eye from Miami. I was struck by how many foreigners were coming into Chile when we went through immigration and the area for Chilean Nationals stood empty. I assume it’s that everyone is arriving to escape the cold wet short days of the Northern Hemisphere. It was quite the shock to the system to go from 40-degree rain of the Pacific Northwest where the sunsets at 4 PM to 90 degrees, arid dry and sunset at 8:30 PM. I had to keep looking at my watch to reassure myself that yes, we should probably eat dinner before going to bed.

The Gran Torre (tallest building in South America) with the snow capped Andean range in the distance in Santiago Chile.

 Santiago is somewhat like Los Angeles. It’s a sprawling city that sits in a bowl between the glacier covered Andes to the east and the coastal mountains to the west. This causes, similar to LA, the smog to sit in the bottom of the bowl so it was pretty hazy most of the time. We dropped our bags off at the hotel we were staying at and headed to an obscure park in an Uber.

I find that using Uber is a godsend because I don’t need to know how to pronounce the address and I am reassured by the map on the app that we are headed to the correct location. I have been hunting trolls by Thomas Dambo for a little over a year. Dambo is an artist who uses only sustainable or used products to create is somewhat enormous wooden and sometimes metal structures called Trolls. There are over 100 trolls worldwide but only one troll in South America. The only troll in South America called Ulle is located in a Parque de la Familia in Santiago. So, my brother and I headed to this park in an Uber to locate this structure which is locally called “The Wooden Man.” Once we were dropped off at the park, we walked about a half mile to see Ulle sitting by the water’s edge. It was fun to discover an elusive troll. It’s like looking for Easter eggs. We ordered another Uber, and the driver asked us how long we had been in Santiago and we said a few hours. He was perplexed why were wandering this obscure park on the outskirts of Santiago just hours after landing. We explained that we were looking for the troll. He, like everyone else we met, did not know about the troll.

We next went to the Gran Torre Santiago which is the tallest building in South America which stands 984 feet tall or 62 stories. We happened to be there two days after some unseasonable rain had passed through so the peaks of the Andean Mountains were snow covered. It was a spectacular view of the mountains, and you could see a 360 view of the expanse of the enormous city which has 40% of the country’s population. We ate lunch at the top at Sky Costanera which had excellent food. By the time we exited Gran Torre it was 3 PM and the traffic was bumper to bumper. We almost got hit by a bus trying to get to our Uber. I doubt the driver spoke English, but she said, “Mucho Taco.” I thought that talking about food seemed odd, so I immediately looked up the expression and apparently, it’s one of the many slang words specific to Chile which means “a lot of traffic.” I enjoyed using this expression going forward with each subsequent ride we got in Chile.

Our last day in Santiago we spent traveling around the center of the city at the old central market which had hundreds of fish and produce purveyors. We walked through the narrow aisles as folks came along to shop. A lot of the buildings in Santiago has a French influence. This stems from the fact that the French helped Santiago achieve independence from Spain in the 1810.

The last place we toured was San Cristobal Hill. It’s a hill in the center of Santiago which is 2,831 feet tall. We took a funicular up the hill and then toured around the top. The Sanctuary of the Immaculate Conception on San Cristobal Hill is a principal place of worship for Catholics in Santiago. There is an enormous amphitheater and alter outside where mass is also held. At the very top of the hill is the Statue of Virgin Mary which is 45 feet tall. The top of the hill has been a shrine for indigenous people well before the Spanish ever arrived. On the way back down San Cristobal we took a cable car with a terrific aerial view of the city.

Most amenities have been quite modern. Outside of some tipping, we have been able to use touchless credit card transactions for our trip. We haven’t been handed a menu but instead scan a QR code which is helpful for getting it in the correct language. It’s been quite the adventure so far between looking for obscure trolls to rising to new heights. It’s a terrific gateway to the southern end of South America.

Change in 4 Parts 🫣

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Behavioral change is one of the most difficult things to accomplish.  In Marshall Goldsmith’s book, Triggers, he uses a device called the Wheel of Change to address behavioral changes both on a personal and collaborative level.  The main point is to actually reflect on how we want to improve as individuals, as well as a team. How often do we talk about that as a department, a family or as an individual?  Unless you are being coached, it’s not likely it’s being discussed.

This is a great tool to use to coach yourself on a regular basis.  It’s divided into four areas: Creating, Eliminating, Preserving, and Accepting.  It’s relatively easy to look at what you want to do going forward when it’s broken up in this way.  I like the fact that it’s a form of forward-thinking, instead of the traditional approach of dredging up blame and scapegoats.  This is a much more positive experience.  It’s similar to when I’m working with a client and they haven’t done the exercise they’d set out to do.  Questions to consider:  “No sweat. Is it still important to you?  Should it be phrased a different way so that you’ll feel forward motion?”  I have a client who walks at work but not on his treadmill at home.  So he won’t count that as exercise.  I’ve asked him, “Is your heart rate elevated?  Would those steps count on a Fitbit?”  “Yes. Hmmm.  Maybe it is exercise and you’re not giving yourself credit.”  It’s amazing how we won’t give ourselves credit for what we actually accomplish.  Being forward-focused instead of berating the client for not achieving what they said they wanted to achieve can make a huge difference in accomplishing goals.

Here are the four parts of the wheel of change:

  • Creating.  This is the innovation or creation portion of the wheel.  What do you add or invent?  When I work with teams, I ask what do we want to do differently?  Sometimes it might mean adding a team member who can bring a different perspective.  Sometimes you decide that you want to use a different software to track progress going forward.  I recently decided that I wanted to perfect my team facilitation skills and committed to reading more about the topic for 30 minutes a day.  So I added it to my schedule.  I created a new habit to help me increase my knowledge and skills in a certain area.  What about you?  What do you want to add to your life that will make you a better contributor, husband, partner or accountant?  What can your team add to make it work more effectively, serve the customer better or improve quality?
  • Eliminating.  This is eradicating or reducing things that are outdated and ineffective. What do we need to eliminate?  When I work with teams, I ask, “What should we do less of?”  It may be eliminating a step in the process that doesn’t make sense now that we are paperless.  It may be reducing the meeting time from one hour to 15 minutes to keep everyone more efficient and on-task.  It might be reducing your commute by moving closer to the office. Organizations frequently get wrapped up in the status quo and never think that maybe if they eliminated a particular technology that has been around since the company was founded, they would have forward motion instead of being dragged down by old technology.  What do you need to eliminate?
  • Preserving.  What do we need to improve or maintain?  When I work with teams, I ask, “What do we need to keep?”  The answer might be “a sense of humor” or “meeting times”.  It’s likely the heart of the organization likes family values.  I also love when I work with teams and one of their values is fun.  Isn’t that something you want to preserve and enhance?  Don’t you want to be on a team that values fun? Sometimes we want to throw out the baby with the bathwater.  Taking time to reflect on what you want to keep in your life is important.  What do you need to preserve?
  • Accepting.  What do we need to delay or make peace with?  This is an important piece of the wheel.  We can spend a lot of energy getting angry or resenting something when what we really need to do is just make peace with it.  I was in a job where there were one or two sacred cows in the organization.   I spent a lot of time getting angry about the sacred cow.  “They never show up.  They never do the job.  What are we doing with these folks?”  Problem was that the powers that be had no issue with the performance and had no intention of eliminating them.  When my energy around it turned into one of acceptance, I became much happier.  I didn’t have to spend my time focusing on their failures.  Let it be.   It might be that you don’t have the capital right now to spend on improvements.  Maybe it needs to be delayed until 2017.  What do you need to accept?

The important thing about the Wheel of Change is that all four areas need to be addressed.  This makes sense.  An example that Goldsmith uses in his book is of his client who wants to preserve his family, eliminate his commute, create a new commute and accept that he wasn’t good at golf.  He decided that he would move from the suburbs of New Jersey to Manhattan, reducing his 3-hour daily commute to a 10-minute walk.  So he gave up golf and is spending more time with his family.  They are all interconnected.  What do you want to work on?

😏 Being Mindful at Work

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You have been scattered all day.  You haven’t finished a thing.  Your to-do list keeps growing and you are starting to forget even the most minor of things, like feeding your dog. You are caught in the surge of overwhelm.  This is especially true during the holidays.  All the annual items start popping up at the most inappropriate times at like say…2 AM and then again at say…3 AM.  Holiday cards for your co-workers.  Poinsettias for the company party.  That conference in San Antonio that you don’t want to forget to budget in for 2026.  Welcome to year-end overwhelm.

There are ways to mitigate the annual barrage of holiday, year-end, one off to-do’s without succumbing to it.  Restful nights without waking up to, “Did you remember to budget for the company picnic?”  The secret to getting your head back from the overwhelm is mindfulness.  You probably are skeptical.  You might be thinking, “But Cath, I haven’t got time to be mindful.”  How can 10 minutes of peace actually help me, when all I want to do is dive in and start checking things off my list?  I can’t shut off my head.  There is science behind this.

Here are small steps to bring mindfulness to work:

  • Take a breath. In Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Peace in Every Step, he recommends taking a mindful breath every time you sit down.  So while at your desk as you sit in your chair, take a breath.  As you sit in your car, driving to work, take a breath.  As you sit at the table to eat, take a breath.  You need to take a breath anyway, right?  So why not pay attention when you take a breath.  Give it a try today.  It’s amazing how one breath can change the trajectory of your day.  Try it now.  Breath in.  Breath out.
  • Greet the day with a smile. Nhat Hanh says, “Waking up this morning, I smile.  Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.  I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”  I have tried to do this for the last week.  The very first thought when I wake in the morning is to smile.  Smiling relaxes the muscles in your face.  It brightens the day.  How can anything go wrong when you start it off with a smile?  Try it.  Feel your face relax.  The day just got better, didn’t it?
  • The promise of hope. Instead of getting caught up in what will go wrong today, get caught up in what will go right.  Nhat Hanh writes, “Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear.  If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”  Optimism is contagious.  So is negativity.  Be the one that spreads optimism.  So when you are in the meeting, ask what is going right or what does success look like.  It brings it back to hope instead of languishing in negativity.
  • Tie it to your roles. I have been teaching the 5 Choices of Extraordinary Productivity for the last 18 months.  I think one of the greatest values of the training is identifying your role and making that extraordinary.  So instead of being a “Coach”, I have recreated that role to be “Inspiration Engineer”.  Instead of being a “Mother”, I have recreated that role to be “Natalie’s Best Friend”.  Recreate your roles to be extraordinary.  It makes everything you do at home and at work into something inspirational.  For me, personally, it makes everything I do have value, whether it’s washing the dishes so my son and I can get out of the house faster, or taking an extra ten minutes with a client to help them work through an insight.  Create your extraordinary roles.
  • Be happy now. I’ve spent a good deal of my career waiting to be happy.  I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.  I’ll be happy when I pay off the car.  I’ll be happy when I have the corner office.  This is futile.  I was putting my life on hold until the next hurdle.  As Naht Hahn says, “The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.” It’s the small things that I need to take stock in.  My favorite song playing.  The sunshine outside.  The smell of fresh brewed coffee.  Don’t put off happiness until – Be happy now.

By being more mindful throughout the day, the little distractions seem to fall away.  I’m able to buoy against the struggles and float over the disagreeable nuisances.  The sea may be roiling but I am floating on top.

How to have a positive brain🙃

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Your coworker is complaining about their boss and you are sucked in.  You start piling on your own jabs, mistreatments and judgments.  You are cut off on the way to work and you start tailgating the person as payback.  “You can’t push me around.”  You overcook the steak and now you think the entire meal is horrible.  There is too much salt, the beans are limp and the mashed potatoes are gummy.  It all feeds on itself.  The negative outcome of one thing goes wrong and now everything else spirals out of control.  Your brain is wired for a negativity bias and in a world full of terrorism, wicked politics and “if it bleeds, it leads” sensationalized news, it can be catastrophically overwhelming.

Amazingly, you can overcome this.  It’s going to take work but it’s fun work.  Your brain is so malleable and elastic that you can actually rewire how you see the world.  You can create a more positive brain and actually become more resilient in the process.  Isn’t that great?  We do not have to be victims of our modern day culture but can be in a happier, more relaxed positive state of mind.  Are you up for this?

Here is how to create a more positive brain:

  • Pay attention to the good thoughts.  When you are having a positive thought like Doesn’t my dog look adorable next to me or I just made everyone at the meeting laugh or My boyfriend is dancing in the doorway to my office.  It’s like catching butterflies, you need to keep your butterfly net at the ready.  Go catch them.  Unfortunately, our negative bias frequently hijacks our brain.  We tune into what is going wrong like the air temperature, the weather or your phone being slow.  So you need to be vigilant in order to catch the good things as they flutter by.
  • Figure out what this experience or memory says about you.  For example, when my dog is lying next to me in my office, I feel loved and appreciated.  When I make everyone at the meeting laugh, I feel like I belong.  When my boyfriend dances in my office doorway, I feel joy and silliness.  As Rick Hanson says this adds and “enriches the experience.”  His analogy is that it’s like adding logs to a fire.  It burns even brighter.  Keep adding logs to enrich and strengthen the great experience.
  • Soak up the positive experience like a sponge.  Rick Hanson turned me onto this and he has a great Ted Talk on the topic: Hardwiring Happiness.  Once you have caught that great experience, observation or memory, dwell on it for a bit.  As Rick says, it can be for only 1 or 2 seconds, but marinate in the positive feeling.  It is amazing how this feels.  I feel my chest and head get warm and a smile starts on my face.  I actually feel the happiness.  Even if for a moment or two.  In a few moments, you have actually fired neurons in your brain and started the process of rewiring.  Isn’t that amazing?  You have taken one small step to rewire your brain in the direction of positivity and happiness.
  • Start a gratitude journal.  I’ve been writing in one for at least a decade.  I write down 5 things I am grateful for and I think about a situation that I turned around to the positive.  For example, if my daughter didn’t respond to my text, I figure her phone must be in another room (instead of she is in the ER and can’t answer her phone).  One little reframe a day helps me keep a positive mindset and by acknowledging each reframe each day, I maintain the mindset.
  • Mediation or yoga.  You do not have to silence your self-talk.  This is the biggest misconception about meditation.  A lot of people think that in meditation, you sit quietly and a switch in your head turns off.  It is a practice and it is never perfect.  Okay, so maybe there is a monk or two out there who can turn off their brains, but the rest of us mortals are all working with letting thoughts go.  It’s letting worries go like balloons into the air.  Try it for 3 minutes.  Get an app like Calm, Whil, Insight Timer or Headspace.  Most are free, so you can start now.  And why not sign up for a yoga class while you’re at it?  Even a once-a-week yoga session will give you physical benefits, increasing strength and flexibility.  Plus it will help you to reduce stress and have a more positive outlook about your self and the world around you.
  • Turn off the catastrophic messages.  I turned off the news some four years ago.  I don’t have any news apps on my phone.  I stream most of the television I watch, so I don’t need to view political ads.  I don’t know if it’s the meditation practice or turning off the news, but I am much more relaxed and positive.  It’s probably a combination of all these steps.  I just notice this one the most.  I was watching a college football game yesterday live on television and all of a sudden I was being bombarded with political ads.  I felt like I was being assaulted.  Negative ads stick more than positive (because of our negative bias), and they were hurling them at me like hand grenades.  I am still informed about the political race and am voting.  I just stay away from the distracting, stress-inducing messages.  It was a relief to go back to my streamed shows and away from all that negativity.

Being more relaxed and happy has really helped me stay resilient and confident.  This past month, I have had more speaking and facilitation gigs than ever before.  Three years ago, I would have stressed out about each gig and lost sleep over the event.  Now I just take one at a time, imagine the best outcome, and take it as it comes.  I’m a better facilitator because of my positivity practice.  Try it yourself.

😃6 Reasons to Visit Victoria on the Holidays

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I returned to Victoria, BC in December of 2025. I adore Victoria.  It’s walkable, it has the water, the historic buildings and the temperate climate that attracts Canadians year-round. My prior visits to Victoria have always been in the summer time., If you can adapt to the colder but not freezing weather, December is a terrific time to visit.

The charming harbor in Victoria BC during the holidays

Here are my 6 reasons to visit Victoria around the holidays:

  • Less Tourists. There are no cruise ships at the end of the year.  Almost 1 million cruise ship passengers arrive in Victoria annually.  Most are bound for Alaska. Cruise ships don’t travel to Alaska in December so the streets of Victoria are mostly empty. Reservations are a piece of cake and actually not even necessary. If you are not a crowd lover like me, December is a great time to visit.
  • Lights. If you walk around the harbor in December the Victorian houses, Parliamentary Building and sailboats are all outlined in lights. Government street., Belleville Street. and Wharf Street all have a bird’s eye view of the harbor below and the magnificent buildings that surround the harbor. The sun sets at 4:30 PM so with a late afternoon stroll one can take in all the lovely magic.
  • The Empress Hotel. I had never stayed at this beautiful hotel before, perched above the harbor. I ended up getting a discounted rate because I booked last minute (see bullet one). This was an off-season rate after American Thanksgiving. The entire staff at the hotel was incredibly friendly and anticipated my every need. Nothing like staying at a Michelin recommended hotel at a deep discount. Whether it was asking about my plans for the day or refreshing the room with coffee or turn down service, this hotel has impeccable service. It was like living in a glamorous Hollywood movie!! 
  • Afternoon Tea.  I have written about afternoon tea before and I was able to experience two different afternoon teas. One was at the Pendray Inn and Tea House. I would recommend that experience if either the Empress is booked or your budget is limited. But by far the best Afternoon Tea I have ever had is always (I’ve now been three times) at the Empress Hotel. Between the warmer under the tea pot, to the exquisite tea sandwiches (including lemon scented cucumber sandwiches) and petit fours (of which there was an eggnog bomb and a cardamon macaron) or the ethereal clotted cream (sounds gross but it is heaven on a warm scone) it is simply spectacular. The grand piano playing Christmas music actually made me cry. Afternoon tea is not to be missed regardless of the time of year.
  • Butchart Gardens. I remember pictures of my grandfather standing in front of the gardens entrance sign. I have pictures of my 2-year-old daughter in front of the sign.  I have never been at Christmas. It is quite spectacular to look down at the iconic Sunken Gardens and see nothing but swaths of lights.  The walk up to the Sunken Gardens is quite mysterious as the trees above appear to glisten with green light.  Yes, it was raining and yes, it was crowded but it was oh so worth it. It’s not to be missed. And, it’s so beautiful, you really don’t notice the other people.
  • Weather. It seems crazy to think that cold, drizzly and windy might be preferable to sun but outside of my last day there, there were times when the sun peeked out and the clouds cleared.  There is something about expecting rain the entire weekend (so much so that I left my sunglasses at home) and to actually be walking around with sun and 50 degrees. Because I was prepared for rain, it was so lovely when it didn’t rain the whole time. 

Victoria is an easy way to experience historic buildings, holiday lights and afternoon tea without that much hassle.  It’s a completely walkable city (except for a bus to Butchart) and even in the rain it’s a delight to the senses.  

6 Ways to Get Unstuck Today🙃

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You meant to start that exercise program this morning but hit the snooze button instead.  You were going to reach out to your friend for a referral and blew it off–and your thought was probably along the lines of, “He doesn’t know anyone who needs my kind of services.”  You had to start on that big gnarly project but decided to scroll through Facebook instead for an hour or so.  You just never seem to get unstuck.  It feels like your days are quicksand and the new normal is sucking you in.

I was in that place some ten years ago.  I never seemed to have forward momentum.   I also had an aversion to change.  Most people do.  I’d rather watch television all day with my free Saturday or bake the perfect loaf of bread than take on a project.  I also didn’t think that I had anything to share with the world.  I had just finished up my coach training with the Neuroleadership Group and I was being coached by my fellow students on a weekly basis.  I had the revelation that I was stuck.  With the help of my fellow coaches, I finally was unstuck.  So this what I learned.

6 ways to get unstuck today:

1. You are not an impostor.  Practically everyone feels like an impostor.  Someone will find out that you aren’t the greatest mother, accountant, teacher, writer, or cook.  This can be paralyzing.  My coach was working with me recently.  I felt like I wasn’t an author.  She reflected back to me what the source of that limiting belief was.  I realized that I had been writing for over four years, have been read in over 100 countries and had over one thousand followers.  She asked me to say it.  “I am an author.”  I owned it.  What do you need to own?

2. Path of least resistance.  Figure out what the project or activity is that you need to break out of and create the path.  I keep my sneakers, shorts and t-shirt in my bathroom closet.  I can get up in the dark, dress and head out before I change my mind.  If I had to turn the lights on in my bedroom and scour around for my walking garb, I likely would roll over and hit the snooze.  If you want to take up the guitar again, get it out of the closet and put it in plain sight.  If you want to walk during your breaks at work, take your spare sneakers to work and put them under your desk.  Basically, you’re eliminating the excuses you would normally come up with.  Create the path to your new goals.

3. Clear the decks.  When I write or work on a project, I clear my desk of any clutter like post its, papers, books, magazines, invitations or mail.  So if I’m in the middle of two projects, I put one of the projects away.  It’s out of mind.  This frees me up to work on what is in front of me without visual distraction.  There is no excuse.  I don’t end up going down some rabbit hole of “Should I go to the conference in Austin?”  “I wonder what that letter is about.”  “Why did I buy that book?”  The only thing on my desk right now is my computer, a lamp, a glass of water and a picture of my kids.  So before you get started, stash the clutter.

4. Digital sabbatical.  I have not tried to go without social media and email for a day except for when I was caught in the Seattle a month ago without power and Wi-Fi.  It is really freeing to not be constantly checking for notifications.  But I DO put my phone in my purse or another room when I am writing.  Like right now.  My email and social media on my computer is shut down.  No bings, chimes or pings to bother me and veer me from my focus.  About two months ago, I turned off all notifications on my phone except for text.  My reasoning is that my kids typically are the ones who text me, which may end up being important.  For you, it might be something else.  Seeing a little red number 4 in the corner of my Facebook app used to drag me right back into opening the app to check out the latest Like.  Now I do that when I am free and not trying to accomplish something.  Set up Digital-Free Times.

5. Is it important?  When my fellow student coach would work with me, if something wasn’t accomplished, they would ask, “Is it still important?”  Say you didn’t sign up for that 5k or start going to the gym like you said you wanted to.  Maybe it’s not important any more.  Maybe it is.  It’s still a good idea to reflect on.  What is the “why” of what you are doing?  What is the higher goal?  I used to run in the morning because I was training for a marathon.  Now I walk in the morning to just get outside, listen to a book and feel refreshed.  It’s like that task you’ve moved 5 times on your task list.  Is it still important?  If not, delete it.  If it is, do it.

6. Start.  I am amazed what I can get done in 5 minutes.  Before I taught Franklin Covey’s ‘5 Choices’ class, I used to procrastinate if I had five minutes before a meeting started.  Now I’ll return a phone call, finish an email or make a hotel reservation.  I am amazingly more productive.  Any free time is an opportunity to start.  At home, I will pick up a book and read a page or two or put my grocery list together.  The point is, I start.  If I don’t get it done before another commitment, no sweat.  I’ll get back to it after the meeting is done.

I got unstuck through working with a coach.  There is a perception that asking for help is a sign of weakness.  It’s really a sign that you are ready for forward motion.  What do you want to get started on?

4 Ways to Disempower Your Negative Thoughts 😎

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You stand on the scale and you’ve gain 5 pounds.  You think, “Fatso, why did you have that extra chocolate chip cookie?”  You avoid setting up the meeting with your boss because you are sure your idea will be shot down.  “She doesn’t think I’m smart.  She’ll never like my ideas.”  You gossip about your co-worker because you know they will never get the promotion they want.  “He’s an idiot.  There’s no way he’ll get it.”  All these thoughts are wearing a super highway of negativity in your brain.  The good news is you can change that.

Your brain is malleable and can be changed–and it doesn’t even involve surgery.  The key to disempowering your negative or unwholesome thoughts is to change your pattern of thinking.  It takes practice.  But when you start creating wholesome thoughts, they beget more thoughts that are wholesome.  Soon, you are a wholesome thought-machine.  As Professor Mark Muesse teaches in the Great Courses: Practicing Mindfulness, “Unwholesome thoughts break down into three areas: selfish desire (I want my neighbor’s car), hatred (I hate that person because they are different from me) and deluded thoughts (I think I’m the greatest or completely unworthy).”

Here are Professor Muesse’s four “R’s” of disempowering thoughts:

  1. Simply replace the negative or unwholesome thought with something opposite.  If someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of angrily swearing and tailing them, you should instead think, “I’m sure they are in a rush for a good reason.”  I’ve done this when my boss’ door was shut.  I would switch my paranoid thinking: “She’s going to fire me,” to “She must be working on my raise or a new challenging project.”  When I had a four-hour unplanned airport layover a few weeks ago, I replaced my “I hate this airport and this lousy airline” thought (which became my new negative mantra for a few minutes) to “This’ll be a great opportunity to listen to my book and get in 10,000 steps.”  I also cultivate compassion by saying, “Just like me.”  If someone steals my parking space, I say, “They want to be happy, just like me.”  Replace the unwholesome negative thoughts with positive, wholesome ones.
  1. Reflecting on results.  Think about the long-term results of this thinking. Contemplate the forward trajectory or consequences of these thoughts.  If I believe that I am a nervous speaker, I will become a nervous speaker.  If think that I am financially insecure, I will become financially insecure.  Seeing the long-term consequences helps squelch the inner critic.  Another way of looking at it is: do you want to be the Grinch?  Even Grinch-like folks were small children at some point.  It took years of unwholesome, greed-filled thoughts to result in the vengeful person they became.  What are you really creating with all those unwholesome thoughts? Your best you?
  1. Redirecting attention.  This is where you direct your attention away towards something more wholesome.  Like your breath, your toes or your ear lobes.  I advise my clients to do this when they get angry and have regressed into their lizard brain (the fight-or-flight part of your brain).  When you are hijacked by emotions, it’s important to get out of your head and back into your body.  Especially before you say something you might regret.  Your best thinking is in your prefrontal cortex but it’s impossible to get there as long as you are in a state of fear or anger.  Remember the phrase This too shall pass.  Good or bad, everything is impermanent.  We just need to accept that it is impermanent.  Joy or terror, thoughts pass away, lose power and fade.  Bring it all back to the breath.
  1. This is all about challenging your assumptions.  It might be that you’ve become jealous of your co-worker’s new convertible sports car.  You assume that if you had that car, you would be happy.  Examine what you might feel you’re lacking.  Maybe you want some freedom.  Maybe independence.  Look at the underlying assumptions of why you might be envious.  You might be envious of your boss’ new smart phone.  You want to have the latest technology.  But won’t that phone be an out-of-date piece of junk in 3 years?  I recently moved my home office.  I thought about a nice chair I wanted for it.  I realized that I didn’t want to add any more furniture to my already fully-furnished house.  I realized there was a chair and ottoman that was unused in another room.  So instead of feeling like I was lacking, I discovered I already had what I needed.  Challenge your assumptions.

Any type of mindfulness is a practice that takes time and consistency.  Habitual thoughts are not easy to break but it can be done with persistence.  I personally journal each evening about how I have reframed my thoughts throughout the day.  I think the reflection helps me hardwire the new positive, wholesome thoughts.  Good luck!

Take the Stairs 👍

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You’ve procrastinated all morning.  You keep checking your inbox or Instagram feed and haven’t touched that project you’ve been meaning to work on.  One more cup of coffee.  One more like on Facebook.  You’re staring at the staircase and then looking down at your phone to see if there is one more thing that you can use to distract yourself from actually, finally taking that step.

My dear friends Susannah and Janine on our trip to Paris

This has been me this morning.  I have set this time aside to write and all I want to do is putz around.  I keep opening my inbox thinking, “What are you doing here again? Get to work!”  I am never going to get to the top of the stairs unless I at least start.

So here are some things to keep in mind to get you going:

  • Time blocks. What really got me writing this morning was knowing that this was my time block to write.  I have a commitment to myself that I will get a post done by noon on the weekends.  It’s now 10:39 AM and I have to start.  I have to spend at least 30 minutes on it even if I have no idea what I am going to write.  So I write.  I know some of my clients have set up time blocks for returning phone calls, responding to emails, exercising and being with their families.  Set up time blocks and make a commitment to your work.
  • Have a vision.  What does the top of the stairs look like to you?  My vision is “Make a difference in people’s lives”.  Writing these posts aligns with that vision.  Even if one person reads this post and changes one thing in their life because of it, then it’s worth 45 minutes of my time to make that happen.  Know why you are doing what you are doing and align your efforts with it. How will that production report affect your organization?  How will that conversation with your co-worker move you forward in attaining your vision?  Line up your actions with your vision.
  • Frequently the steps aren’t easy.  I have struggled with this.  When I was in Paris several years ago, I ended up having to take a spiral staircase to many of my destinations.  I’m really tall and have large feet, so trudging up a small spiral staircase is not only difficult but I can’t see the top.  When we were visiting Sainte-Chapelle (a cathedral built in 1248), my friend and Francophile, Susannah, pointed to a very narrow stone spiral staircase to travel up.  I figured there is no way this building (built 8 centuries ago) is worth being claustrophobic or on my tip toes for.  I was wrong.  Against my better judgment, I followed Susannah up the staircase.  The top of the stairs revealed one of the most heart-stopping, breathtaking, stained glass-encrusted spaces I have ever been in. Take the steps–the view may surprise you.
  • Step into fear.  My friend Janine and I went to the Eiffel Tower the day after the Brussel airport bombing.  We had tickets to what I thought would be the 1st landing of the tower.  I’m not crazy about heights and I figured that would work just fine.  It turns out we had tickets to the top.  When we got to the top, there was another staircase to go up. Janine was game to go up and I was fine where I was.  She ran up the stairs and came back down to get me. “Cath, you gotta come!”  I stepped into my fear, took the steps and saw a Paris I will never forget.  If I reframed it as a challenge rather than a fear, it became much easier to conquer.
  • Have support.  I’ve already shown you two examples where my friends have supported me in venturing up staircases with terrific results.  These same friends are in “Cathy’s Brain Trust” and they give me weekly feedback on my posts.  I feel accountable to them to continue to write.  Who is depending on you?  Who are you supported by?  When pushing through to your highest aspirations, you need to make sure you have support.  My daughter is part of that group and she knows me well. Writing is definitely a challenge and I know she’s always cheering me on.
  • Be open to the unknown.  Frequently we don’t know exactly where we are headed.  We have a vision but there is so much that is unseen from the bottom of the staircase.  My friend Susannah and I were hiking in Haystack State Park.  At the end of the hike was Haystack Tower…with a spiral staircase no less.  It was a hot, humid day and I think the last thing I  wanted to do was go up the tower’s two flights of stairs.  Susannah assured me that the views were at the top of the tower.  So-you guessed it-I went up the two flights and the payoff was a view of three states at once: MA, CT and NY.  Stick it out and it will pay off.
  • One step at a time.  Many times I have clients who are frozen from being overwhelmed.  They want to take action, but when they decide they want to write a book, it’s paralyzing.  They can’t take any step because a step like “write a book” is not easily done in a morning.  The key is to break it down into chunks.  Bite-size chunks like “write an outline”, “decide what software to use” or “research books on writing non-fiction for one hour”.  Break it down one step at a time so that the step can be accomplished in 90 minutes or less.

This isn’t always easy when there are so many distractions in life.  It’s easy to think that skimming through and putting out fires is getting you to where you want to go.  Figure out which staircase you want to go up and start with one small step.  The view from the top is going to be awesome.

Having a Plan B😃

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You are frustrated because they cancelled the show you bought the tickets for six months ago.  You don’t get the promotion you’ve been dreaming of since you came to this company.  The proposal you sent to your ideal client which is going to double your income this year, is turned down.  Is the universe ganging up on you?  Nope.  You just need a Plan B.

I traveled to New England on business and pleasure several years ago.  I ended up with several Plan B moments.  I was staying on the 17th floor of the Hartford Hilton.  The fire alarm went off at midnight.  Sleep was Plan A.  Descending 17 flights of stairs on foot was Plan B. I was staying at my friend’s beautiful country home (in the middle of nowhere in the Berkshires) and planned on writing while there.  There was a thunderstorm that plowed in overnight. Phone and wifi were dead.  Plan A was writing.  Plan B was having a lovely day long conversation with my friend.  I missed a connecting flight at Washington Reagan airport.  Making the connection was Plan A.  Walking 10,000 steps in Terminal C was Plan B.  The important thing was being open to Plan B.

This is how I remained open to Plan B:

  • Keep the goal in mind.  I’ve retold the story of taking 17 flights of stairs and more than one person told me, I think I would have just stayed in the hotel room.  Truth is I didn’t smell smoke but in a 22-story hotel, how could I possible know what was above me.  The goal was avoiding participating in a fire and if trudging 17 flights kept me safe, then that’s the goal.  Getting home safely was the goal when I missed the connection in DC.  It’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of a change of plans but if you focus on the end goal it calms the anxiety.
  • Know where your essentials are.  When a fire alarm goes off and there is an annoying strobe light to accompany it, it’s disorienting.  I tried to turn the light on next to my bed.  It didn’t go on.  I thought the electricity was out.  Fortunately, when I fumbled over to the desk lamp it worked. But I had no idea where my sneakers and glasses were.  Having shoes and glasses were essential.  During the thunderstorm two nights later and the lights flickered, I made sure I had my glasses and shoes next to my bed.  Socks?  Laptop? Nope. Not essential. So in a work situation if you end up not having an LCD projector, use a flip chart.  If you don’t have a flip chart, have someone take notes on paper.  Figure out what’s essential.
  • Label the feeling.  I was sitting in the last row of the plane when we finally pulled close to the gate and making my connecting flight was very present in my mind.  I had a ton of anxiety and, frankly, I was angry that we were sitting 10 feet from the gate but were not actually “at” the gate with the door open.  I consciously sat in my seat and thought, this is what anger feels like.  My forehead is hot and my stomach is clenched.  OK.  And this is what anxiety feels like.  My stomach is flipping and my throat is tight.  OK.  I sat there inventory-ing my feelings as they arose and labeling them.  I was able to witness the feelings instead of getting sucked into them. Labeling the feeling keeps you from stuffing it away as well.  Let it rise and vanish as you consider each one.  If you take anything from this post, work on labeling your feelings; it will keep you from getting sucked into them.
  • A plausible alternative.  When someone cuts me off in traffic, I try and imagine that they are headed to the hospital on an emergency.  When I was sitting in the back row of the plane, I decided it must be some safety issue and the plane couldn’t pull up to the door.  When the client I sent a proposal to doesn’t respond,  I imagine my offer ended up in their spam folder.  Better reach out by phone.  A coach friend of mine, Michele Woodward, recommends that you reach out to a potential client three times.  That’s a great rule of thumb.  With smart phones and bulging email inboxes, the world is a giant distraction.  It takes patience and persistence to get through the clutter.  Assume that they want to get back to you, they are just overwhelmed.  There is always a plausible alternative or explanation.
  • What opportunity is available.  When I realized I missed my connection and had four hours to kill, I decided that I could listen to my book on Audible and walk 10,000 steps.  I’m not sure there weren’t a few folks who saw me walking by them 15 times who didn’t think I might be lost or a lunatic but here was an opportunity to get a few hours of my book done and get in 10,000 steps.  The opportunity in Hartford was seeing some thirty Hartford firefighters.  These guys were there to potentially save my life.  What bravery.  They do this every day.  Run in while we run out.  I don’t have the opportunity to see that every day.  The opportunity in the Berkshires without wifi?  Isn’t it obvious.  20 hours without social media and email and phone.  Priceless.  All I need is a good friend and a dog and the opportunities are endless.

I’ve always had my father as an example of patience.  I have always admired his unflappability.  Whether it was a flat tire or a teenager changing their mind with Friday night plans, “Daddy, can you drive me and my friends to bowling instead of playing Monopoly at home?”  I try and tap into his patience when I face my Plan B. Tools help.